Update on all my work.

Okay so here's what's been happening.

I had been producing videos that i wasn't happy with, just plain old didn't work for me at all.
however, it's been that way for everything with me and i realise that it's not my work i don't like but myself and my lack of faith. I found that i am a people pleaser, but apparently i don't count as people to me.
So I was shown a site that uses text and sound only. I like it (will blog about the artist after this) and it inspired me to pull myself up and do something, something that is mine, something that i can relate to.

so in context to my current feeling and mood of myself and my work i wrote down various things i could work with.

• People Pleaser
• I'm only human
• Fuck You
• Fat Bitch
• Small town, small minds, small dicks 
• I'm not even kidding
• CRY CRY
• I get sad sometimes
• The past never goes away
• It never feels any less
• BAD BAD
• Good enough agian

These are just things that i wrote down one day, and i think if i work with text interesting ways, playing with text alignment and rearranging sentences i write, that i can keep myself interested in what i am doing.

The first one that i wanted to work with was "people pleaser" as it was what i'm tackling in my life.

I like the first three i made and got somewhat bored by the forth video, however, i enjoy the colour i used in it as i don't use colour often in my work.


This is  what i wrote the other day in my visual diary on the train after the making of these videos:

I'm finding that my practice has been very stilted this term. i am very happy with my 2-D work, however, i found it hard to get back into making. i think this is due to my lack of confidence in both myself and my practice. i never thought that questions of identity would bother me, as i have always known who i am and what i do. Nonetheless, this has happened and over this term i have had to try and find myself again. it has helped me to think of myself and my practice in terms of 'conceptual art'. with my research into both conceptual and text artists i have managed to regain my feet and create video art again; a medium that i enjoy and like the results of. i'm glad that i had this period of loss now, in my first year, so i can recognise my pattern and how i can overcome it in the future.  


This i think is an important refection to document, as i think it was a light bulb moment for me to look at myself rather than my art for 'why' i am unhappy with the results of my work. I have to trust myself and my judgement over others and take my mistakes in my stride, otherwise i will never be happy and never grow into who i can and want to be-a successful artist in MY eyes. I also now realise that i should be creating, not because someone told me to or for a good mark, but for myself as i should be the most important thing in my life and practice and people that don't support me are not important and will only hold me back. 
I hope this has given a good insight into my scattered mind and explains my art and why i haven't been on blogger in a while, one ranting post is enough for me thank you :)